Keep Your Beer Float Chill
Keep Your Beer Float Chill – by Corliss Buenavida
One of my favourite all time 'Beer Floats' was when a bunch of us were allowed to use the Las Vegas Bellagio fountain as our water surface. It was during the first TID Talks Convention so a splashy entry was required and Niagara Falls was booked for a Barrel Event.
Maybe that is a little farfetched and some of you are asking, “What the hell are TID Talks?”
Okay we have established you are getting an air filled tube or similar device to attempt to achieve Transcendental Flotation but there is another key element to the fulfilment of a beer float – you have to have a beer!
Well don't take everything so literally, it doesn’t have to be a beer but Gin Martini Float just doesn’t roll off the tongue with quite the same ease. It’s just a metaphor for reaching Spiritual Buoyancy and if you’re like me a frosty can of lager on a hot sunny day consumed on a small personal water craft bobbing on your local watering hole speaks in volumes as beer float!
Your beverage doesn’t actually matter, that’s a personal choice and something we can talk about later. In any case when you start participating in Beer Floats regularly you’re going to condense the topic even more and just say, “I’m going for a Float” or, “Do you want to come over for a Float?”
Then, when your friend does get in the pool with you, on their Float (yes it’s a verb and a noun), beverage in hand for a “Cheers” to a delightful afternoon you can mock them for not having a TID.
T.I.D.: a Thermal Insulating Device; a Koozie, wrap, sleeve, can cooler, huggie, drink holder, insulated cup – get the idea? In casual conversation go with "tids" but if you are getting serious about your floating you can register for this year's TID Talks at...had you going there for a second!
(Maybe I should try to get a backroom session at TED Talks, hmm?)
Anyway, back in the pool, you’re friend wise cracks back, “It’s not going to last that long!”
Well, friend, you are completely missing the point, using a tid is part of the beerfloat.calm experience. Your enhanced beverage is not being consumed to get ‘loaded’, it is for savouring, to stretch out the pleasant experience, so keep it cold with a wrap. Think of it as Transcendental Moderation, Placid Pacing, Responsible Repose, Quiet Consumption, Serene Drift, Restful Restraint, ...need I go on?
Enough with the philosophical chit chat, let’s get down to neoprene. Yep, that’s my choice as an everyday tid. Nothing quite like tight rubber fabric!
It really is a miracle material except for the part about its made by polymerizing a colourless, flammable, toxic liquid called chloroprene (and that sounds so 'Green')!
Also, it may not be the actual best insulator around, neverthless, neoprene is soooo nice!
As used for canned beverage holders there are all kinds of designs and materials available but if you only get one, make it a flat folding wrap. This will fit in your pocket or purse, so you can whip it out anywhere. If you really are not familiar with koozies (though I can't imagine) then look for split edges at the bottom - you don't want the type with a stitched circle base, they don't fold flat.
Make it neoprene because the foam types with fabric wrap, just don’t last in the 'brutally harsh conditions of daily pool lounging' and/or bar hopping. At 3mm thick it will almost go unnoticed in a pocket and is thin enough to not impact fitting in the drink holder of most flotation devices.
If you are in fact going to be pocketing your tid regularly between uses then you may want the vinyl coated version which reduces moisture transfer to your clothing or carry bag. I actually rotate through a vast year by year collection so I always have a dry one ready to go. Helpful Hint: When you are done using it just flip it inside out then place it upside down for faster drying.
You should be able to get one with a quaint phrase or logo of your favourite team or beer. I recommend something which will stand out when you have actually had too many and you want to find where you put it down. Bright is good for dark power failure nights which is probably not an issue where most of you are floating. Ideally it has a black interior which you can flip to the outside for formal occasions.
If you are going to possess more than one tid then I suggest a 'base station beverage holder' as one you keep for use in your own pool or at the lake while the flexi neoprines are for travel. I find the best solid units are the stainless steel type with a removable sippy cup lid but get one that is narrow enough to fit in your holder. Yeti and many other brands are available.
If you are going solid with your everyday tid then be sure your float has the large drink holder opening [or get the beerfloat.calm TID Adaptor which can hold a large beverage but mount in a small float hole - coming no time soon].
Like I said, my daily use is neoprene and I may be a ‘beerfloat purist’ 99% of the time but there is a very slight chance someone has witnessed me once having a mixed drink cocktail in an insulated cup while star gazing from the surface of my pool. I most definitely use stainless steel for apres floats, much nicer for craft beers.
You may want to also get the narrow bottle shaped coolers for when your good friend who likes to waste her money buying Coronas (which only come in glass in this hood) decides to pop over - but she can't come in the pool with that 'thing'!
Ok, I'm not a Corona hater, I've had plenty in my time but its twice as expensive as the local Toña which is moderately better. And its not like Corona is a light beer, it has more calories per equal serving compared to a Guiness!
Rules are rules: No can, no float!
When you do get in the water to test drive your newly wrapped beer, loaded in its receptacle, with the sun shining, you are leaning back relaxed, eyes closed behind dark sunglasses, the music is magical - all is swell - and then a wasp decides to land on your can and crawl inside. Next thing you know, you are nursing a fat lip from the sting which has ruined this peaceful ritual.
This actually speaks in favour of the sippycup lid but I have another solution. Your vessel's drink holder is (or should be) erganomically located exactly at the distance down your arm from your shoulder to where your hand rests gently on the vinyl. I simply place my open hand over my can top until its time to take a swig. This way the wasp can get you on the back of your hand or between your fingers as he tries to crawl down to the intoxicating elixer we all adore so much. You just ignore the pain and swelling and switch to the other hand and drink holder - no wasp is taking this moment of personal revelry away from me!
A bonus from hovering your hand over your can is it keeps it shaded from that hot sun in the one place your koozie doesn't cover. Mouth on a hot tin lid, ain't no good.
Back to rapping about wraps. I’ve actually been working on a prototype for a beer stein style neoprene tid with a lid which will act as a splash guard. It will be perfect for when your arsehole friend does a canonball entry into the pool or if you are running a set of rapids or if whilst upon the ocean a rogue wave disrupts your recreation but, most importantly, it'll keep those buggers off.
So you have your new, ideal, form fitting float, you have your personalized tid wrapped around you chilled bevy, the drum roll starts as the parade of floaters, you included, approach the water under spotlights while the crowd cheers. The fountain bursts into action and you make your spectacular entry into the Ballagio pool...
...I'm sure you will be able to picture it once you have achieved Tranquility with Liquids.
Don’t forget to check out the accessories page at...
beerfloat.calm merch
(we’re workin’ on it!)
Cheers!
Corliss
beer float.calm = beerfloat.net not beerfloat.com
