Looking Out for #1
Looking Out for #1 – by Corliss Buenavida
You may have read a recent post about experiences in the #2 department, Toilet Seat Tubing. If not, you just missed a little crap about the relationship between a toilet seat and a pool float.
The obvious similarities are you are seated on a ring and usually above water, unless of course you are using a latrine, thunderbox or public squat toilet which we Westerners will never feel comfortable using.
Less obvious, both are locations where one can think, unless of course you are having trouble going, having trouble going too often or are using a or public squat toilet.
I have one good friend who must do a lot of 'thinking' but that's another story.
Anyway, while I was doing ‘my thinking' this morning I thought I might be able to add a couple of thoughts as a follow up to that blog post and at the same time connect it to one I had planned to write about for some time.
So, Toilet Seat Tubing, the one you do behind a closed door, can henceforth be referred to as TST. Therefore, when out with family or friends and you have to excuse yourself there is no need to say, "I have to take a shit." Of course around children that's, "I have to have a poop."
Now you can, ‘in crowd code’, your conversation with, "I'm going TST."
And for those of you who expect me to plunge into toilet humor or get potty mouthed, how right you are!
I'm sorry to dump this on you butt writing this stuff is such a gas!
"Why did the cop sit on the toilet?" "To do his duty."
"Have you heard of the film, 'Constipated?" "No, because it never came out."
"Why didn't the toilet paper make it across the road?" "It got stuck in the crack."
Lastly, make sure you clean up well after your TST before you go BFT (beer float tubing).
But I have digressed, this is not supposed to be about having a #2, this is looking out for #1, and that is plain and simple...
Make sure you pee before you get on your float!!!
Not much else to say on the matter really as it is all pretty simple. Plan ahead, get in a routine. Before you grab your beer give it some space in your body to fill up.
There is nothing worse than plunking yourself down on that floating seat and then when your posterior touches some chilly water it's, "Whoa!" the sensors go off, "Gotta pee!"
Nobody wants anybody to pee in a pool! It's just not right.
A lake, a river, an ocean - acceptable but best to pull your bathing outfit out of the way.
In any case if you are floating in one of these environs, you will need to dismount, do your business and then clamber back on board. (We will discuss mounting and dismounting in another post.) This is all unecessary if you arrange ahead.
In a pool, same thing. You have just launched and now you are paddling back to the stairs for the walk of shame. (Mid-float this is the walk of friendship as you will of course be asked to acquire refills for all of those sharing the moment with you, but we will talk about that in another post too.)
Now you are out of the water, you have to towel off so you don't trail water into the bathroom and you are missing out on that valuable thinking time in your BFT. Tsk, tsk.
So kids, if your going to go for a beer float, what are you going to do just before heading for the water, "Everybody...."
Make sure you pee before you get on your float!!!
You're welcome, Corliss
beer float.calm = beerfloat.net not beerfloat.com
