Super Rant 59

FLOATER’S BLOG: Pool Date February 9th 2025

Back from watching Superbowl 59 at a local establishment (sorry, I don’t do Roman Numerals, there is a reason the Roman Empire collapsed) and out for a night cap float with wait for it – not a beer. Instead, I loaded up a stainless steel TID (Thermal Insulation Device) with Flor De Caña Perfect 10, Bourbon Barrel Aged Rum on a large cube of ice.

Congratulations Philadelphia! Eagles fans can be very proud of their team’s dominant performance. For me, the NFL is low on my sports priority list [GO LEAFS GO!], so it was more of just a social evening with friends and a chance to watch all the celebrity appearances in the expensive commercial time slots. Not disappointed.

But, whoa! Half-time; Kendrick Lamar blew my float out of the water – NOT!

I think I was able to pick up about 5% of the lyrics and not because of a bad sound system. Hip hop and rap are not my things, I just don’t understand the phenomenon! I prefer melody and sung lyrics. In fact, I looked up some of his lyrics on-line expecting the Pulitzer Prize winner to astound me only to be vastly disappointed by finding very few three or more syllable words and almost everything had negative connotations in which he is either bragging or dissing. Get over that one trick pony and try to make the world a happier place, bitch.

Anyway, while Kendrick has inspired ranting, I will diverge onto another topic which comes up a lot in my world travels when I interact with people from the United States of America. They call themselves Americans as if they are the only people who are American. I’m not sure if it is a bad school system for educating world geography or just a cultural thing that has never been corrected, somewhat like when everyone partied at the end of 1999 like it was the end of the last millennium while we still had 366 days to go. C’mon people it was called the 20th century because of the year 2000 and it wasn’t over until 2000 was over!

Back to what is America. Well, when the European sailors arrived over 500 years ago it was the ‘New World’. A massive continent blocking passage for a westward trade route to Asia. We can discuss how it got its name at another time, but I like the less popular 1502 version involving the Mayans stating the name of the Ammerisque Mountains in central Nicaragua to Columbus over the 1507 Amerigo Vespucci and a German map maker version.

Now labelled into two continents, North and South America that stretch from Canada in the north to Chile & Argentina in the south, everyone born in these regions is an American. I can be more specific by saying for example, “I’m Canadian, from Canada”. My neighbour beside my snowbird nest, The Villa in San Juan Del Sur, Nicaragua, can say, “I’m Nicaraguan”, but we are both also American, in the same way that some one from Germany is European.

So, say you hail from Rhode Island and are on vacation in Fiji. You are perched at a bar introducing yourself to another tourist and mention, ‘I’m American, a Rhode Islander,” to which the other patron responds, “Is that near Barbados?”

So, you see citizens of the United States OF America, ‘of’ being a descriptor of a greater whole, the rest of the world wants more from you! America just isn’t enough to define yourselves as separate from Haiti or Ecuador. You need a country name that truly unifies your states into a single entity. Maybe the United Arab Emirates could consider this too!

The country needs a name. You could name it after your first President, Washington, but that is just more confusing considering you already have a state and 88 towns and cities with that name. Perhaps just name it after who ever is president at the time, so, I guess right now that would be Trumpland.  

I like the idea of a ‘Name the Country’ contest but it’s up to you folks. In the meantime, how about, we go with referring to people from the United States as USAns or USians.

Now you are at that bar in Fiji, and you say, “Hi I’m Usian”, to which your new drinking buddy says, “Oh, which state?” Don’t say, Rhode Island, no one knows where that is!

In summary here is Super Rant 59: No Roman Numerals; it’s ok to drink rum during a beer float (once in a while); hockey is better than football; give rappers singing lessons; centuries are 100 years long and end when the next one starts, as in 1 (or 2001); and finally, please start teaching world geography in Usian schools with a new country name on maps for the space between Canada and Mexico. It might help delay the current collapse of the American Empire!

Next rant I’ll try to get around to my thoughts on incorrect use of kitchen sink strainers.

At your service,

Corliss

beer float.calm = beerfloat.net not beerfloat.com